Lesson 06 Sacrifice

Sacrificing is never an easy thing in this life.  However, there are certain events in life that occur that help ease the difficulty we have with sacrifice.  One of those events for me was marriage.  Before I was married, I loved to spend time with my friends.  We would go out just about every night and hang out.  We would go to movies, out to dinner, play board games, and just enjoy each other’s company.  One thing that I noticed though when I got married was that I had a lot of friends of the opposite sex who were still single.  Up to this point it wasn’t something that I had thought of but after marriage it seemed strange and unacceptable to continue these friendships.  After talking to my wife, she agreed that it was inappropriate so I sacrificed a lot of my friends for the betterment of my marriage.  I don’t’ regret the decision because I am married to my best friend and love her more than anything in the entire world.  That sacrifice was hard but well worth it.  As I thought about what else I have sacrificed I began to think about what I am not sacrificing but should be.  One thing that I need to be better at sacrificing is my own personal time.  Most days I feel like I need to decompress and just take some time for myself.  While this is not unusual or selfish, I have been reflecting on how hard my wife works and realized that while I am relaxing, she is doing more.  She is picking up the slack and allowing me that time.  Is that fair to her?  Shouldn’t we be relaxing together?  I think that if I were to decompress at a more opportune time instead of when I walk through the door, my wife would appreciate the help with dinner and with our 3 small children.  It isn’t something that I do every day but I think my wife would see the sacrifice and appreciate the help that she would never ask for.

Lesson 05 The Natural Man

I’ve always loved the scripture that is found in Mosiah 3:19.  It says, “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”.  It tells us in a straightforward way how we can overcome the natural man.  When I first read this verse and it tell us to become as a child, I was confused.  I think about my own children and sometimes they drive me absolutely batty.  However, as I reviewed the attributes that are laid out in the scripture, I began to see my children in a new light.  To overcome the natural man, we must be patient and full of love.  In order to gain these attributes, we have to be humble enough to realize that we cannot do it on our own.  We must get on our knees and ask our Heavenly Father to help us progress and become better each day.  As I’ve had the opportunity to work on these attributes, I’ve realized that you also must have a good support group around you.  My wife is amazing and is quick to point out when I am regressing in these attributes.  For some, that may not work but someone to keep me honest and on track with my goals and eternal progression works perfect.

Lesson 03 Traditional Marriage

This is a sensitive and controversial topic and knowing that, I want to make it known that this post is my opinion based on my beliefs and what I know within my heart to be true.  I do not wish to stir the pot or start a war, but rather state my beliefs with the hope that we can come together as people to have a discussion without having nasty or inhuman things said about one another.

As a bit of background, I live in a place that where this topic is one that comes up on almost a daily basis.  Numerous times a day I am asked, what is the big deal?  Why does it matter if two gay people get married?  Why are you blowing this out of proportion?  First off, I would like to say that I do not believe that this is something that I blow out of proportion.  This is something that is of the utmost importance to me.  As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons), I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.  Marriage is the entity by which our Heavenly Father allows humans to create life.  Marriage between a man and woman is ordained of God and has been since the beginning of time.  Adam and Eve were put on the earth to compliment and help each other.  Men and women are different.  Their roles within a family are different.  In my own life, I can testify that this is true.  I look at the relationship that my wife has with our children.  She is nurturing and always is worrying about their well-being.  She teaches them to love others and makes sure that they know that they are loved.  She does all this while working a full-time job.  On the other side of the coin, I have a different relationship with them.  I teach them to work hard for what they have, serve others, and to accomplish their goals.  In my marriage, along with I believe is most marriages, my wife is strong in areas of parenting that are weaknesses for me.  The same can be said about my strengths and her weaknesses.

As I have thought about where I live and the individuals that I associate with, I wonder what I can do to defend traditional marriage?  As I mentioned, I live in a place where this is topic that is brought up on a daily basis.  I believe that the best thing that I can do is not stand idly by when the discussion happens.  Defending traditional marriage puts me in the minority but standing up for what you believe is also something that I believe.  Additionally, I think that it is important to love everyone and make sure that they know that.  Respect for other’s opinions is necessary and I want to help people understand that just because we disagree, doesn’t mean that I dislike you as a person.  I believe that the largest misconception is that I dislike homosexuals.  The fact of the matter is that I don’t feel that way at all.  Allowing open discussion gives the opportunity for discussion and understanding on both sides.  What is the best way that you have been able to have open communication on topics that are controversial?  How do you show someone love, when you disagree with their actions?

Lesson 02 Divorce

As I’ve had the opportunity to study some readings on divorce, one thing stuck out to me from one of the articles that I read.  As I read “The Impact of Family Formation Change on Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation” by Paul R. Amato, one quote stuck out to me.  Amado says, “Children in divorced families tend to have weaker emotional bonds with mothers and fathers than do their peers in two-parent families”.  At first this didn’t make sense to me.  My initial reaction was that the children would have a stronger emotional bond with whatever parent they are with the most.  I began thinking of my friends whose parents are divorced and I can now see that this statement has truth behind it.  I think that this stems from the fact that children are afraid to make their parents upset because they believe that there is a possibility that because one parent left, the parent they are currently with can leave too.  That thought was solidified when I watched a clip from 20/20 called “Divorce School for Kids”.  The clip discusses a school where kids attend with other kids whose parents are divorced.  They can talk about how the divorce has affected the, as well as any frustrations that they are having at the time that may be caused by the divorce.  Another item that stuck out to me is that kids seem to blame themselves for the divorce of their parents.  They think that if they hadn’t fought as much with siblings or if they had behaved better, their parents would still be together.  I believe that this comes full circle with what the article by Amado states.  Children are walking on eggshells because they are afraid of upsetting their parents and making them leave.

With divorce occurring so frequently in the world, it is more important to do everything we can to make sure that our own marriages are successful.  President Spencer W. Kimball taught us that ““…only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” What can we personally do to protect our families and marriages?  My wife and I do a few things that help us with our marriage.  First, we have weekly at home date nights.  We play games, watch movies, talk about our weeks, and just spend time together.  Second, we each have a specific time where we can have some time to ourselves.  My wife has every Thursday night off and I have every Saturday morning.  My wife goes to the gym most of the time and I go see a movie.  It gives us the opportunity to recharge our batteries by doing something that we do for ourselves.  It sounds selfish at first, but I believe that everyone needs time to themselves in order to be the best spouse/parent.  The last thing that we do is a monthly companion inventory where we specifically discuss what we can improve on in our marriage.  It can be anything from listening to the other person, to how we can stay united in our parenting.  The important thing to remember is that this time is not an opportunity to insult or unload on your spouse.  It is a time where you discuss each other’s weakness and determine how together you can make them strengths.  What are some things that you do that help you?  What have you tried and been successful or failed at?