Lesson 02 Divorce

As I’ve had the opportunity to study some readings on divorce, one thing stuck out to me from one of the articles that I read.  As I read “The Impact of Family Formation Change on Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation” by Paul R. Amato, one quote stuck out to me.  Amado says, “Children in divorced families tend to have weaker emotional bonds with mothers and fathers than do their peers in two-parent families”.  At first this didn’t make sense to me.  My initial reaction was that the children would have a stronger emotional bond with whatever parent they are with the most.  I began thinking of my friends whose parents are divorced and I can now see that this statement has truth behind it.  I think that this stems from the fact that children are afraid to make their parents upset because they believe that there is a possibility that because one parent left, the parent they are currently with can leave too.  That thought was solidified when I watched a clip from 20/20 called “Divorce School for Kids”.  The clip discusses a school where kids attend with other kids whose parents are divorced.  They can talk about how the divorce has affected the, as well as any frustrations that they are having at the time that may be caused by the divorce.  Another item that stuck out to me is that kids seem to blame themselves for the divorce of their parents.  They think that if they hadn’t fought as much with siblings or if they had behaved better, their parents would still be together.  I believe that this comes full circle with what the article by Amado states.  Children are walking on eggshells because they are afraid of upsetting their parents and making them leave.

With divorce occurring so frequently in the world, it is more important to do everything we can to make sure that our own marriages are successful.  President Spencer W. Kimball taught us that ““…only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” What can we personally do to protect our families and marriages?  My wife and I do a few things that help us with our marriage.  First, we have weekly at home date nights.  We play games, watch movies, talk about our weeks, and just spend time together.  Second, we each have a specific time where we can have some time to ourselves.  My wife has every Thursday night off and I have every Saturday morning.  My wife goes to the gym most of the time and I go see a movie.  It gives us the opportunity to recharge our batteries by doing something that we do for ourselves.  It sounds selfish at first, but I believe that everyone needs time to themselves in order to be the best spouse/parent.  The last thing that we do is a monthly companion inventory where we specifically discuss what we can improve on in our marriage.  It can be anything from listening to the other person, to how we can stay united in our parenting.  The important thing to remember is that this time is not an opportunity to insult or unload on your spouse.  It is a time where you discuss each other’s weakness and determine how together you can make them strengths.  What are some things that you do that help you?  What have you tried and been successful or failed at?